Amputations

It can be difficult to cut things out of your life. However, I’ve found that since quitting drinking 4.5 years ago and committing to pursuing God 2.5 years ago, it gets easier. God stands ready to help in all the things we need to do to be more focused on Him.

I recently re-engaged with a game I’d loved for some time. It scratched an obsessive-compulsive itch and provided some enjoyable feedback when I was doing things right. For a time, that was my renewed experience with it. Since God healed me of my OCD, it was somewhat less compelling than it used to be, but still fun to play especially competitively with others.

I started noticing that in the times when things were going poorly, the game produced far more frustration and anger than I remembered. I didn’t like the way it made me feel or the fruit it produced in my spirit. Thankfully, I didn’t have the OCD dreams about it that I used to experience, and God gave me the nudge that maybe I should just delete it and walk away.

So that’s what I did. I used to hate change, and especially hated the kind of change that meant I wouldn’t be able to continue doing something I’d been enjoying. But I’ve found that I’m more concerned these days with the emotions and fruit an activity produces than I am with the immediate enjoyment of the activity itself. God gives me the ability to prune the things that are unhelpful and walk away from them, as easily as crumpling a piece of paper and throwing it in the trash. I think quitting drinking was a helpful exercise, but the real cheat code in all of the changes I’ve made has been the decision to pursue God above all else. I just don’t get attached to things like I used to, because I have more important concerns. It’s just another way that cancer has been a blessing.