Porches

I’ve started reading my Bible on the front porch. This is our 4th house, and it’s the first one with a nice front porch. A couple of our previous houses had nice decks in back, but were apparently located in mosquito breeding grounds, so we never really made a habit of sitting out on the deck. This house doesn’t have a deck in the back, but it does have a nice patio and a screened porch in case the mosquitoes are bad on a given night.

At any rate, I’ve decided I like having nice outdoor sitting areas, so I try to spend time out there every day. Our front porch faces the sunrise, and a friend who is a health nut has encouraged me to get some more sunshine into my life, so it’s a great way to begin my day. If I drank coffee in addition to reading my Bible, this is where I would do it. I am currently in Exodus, still loving the NLT.

My most recent drug trial was supposed to last 6 months or until I tapped out. I lasted three and a half days. The trial required me to stop taking a drug I had been on almost since I was diagnosed, and it turns out that this particular drug is essential to my proper functioning. I suffered days of heartburn, nausea, and vomiting until I couldn’t do it anymore. My gastroenterologist was furious that the oncology team would even suggest taking me off the necessary drug. He told me to get back on it immediately, and I had no trouble complying. I was miserable.

I let oncology know the next day that I was dropping out of the trial. In the back of my head there is an imaginary list of possible treatments for my cancer. I don’t know the length of the list; all I know is that in the space of a couple of days, I had crossed off another item. I am one step closer to my oncologist saying he has no more ideas. I am trying with all my might to avoid spending time thinking about this, but it’s like the old trick where someone tells you not to think of a pink rhinoceros.

Instead, I spent my morning on the front porch. I greeted the sunrise with my NLT Bible on one side and the Bible Recap on the other. I ate my breakfast and prayed. Lord help me to focus on You. Lead me in Your ways. Make me the kind of man You would be in this situation. Show me how to follow the path Moses took, from resistance and fear to leadership and holiness.