Updates and Whatnot

I haven’t written much because there’s not much to write about. Life continues apace, my treatments are in progress, and we continue to play the game of preparing both for more life and the end of it. It seems that the end of this course of chemo will also be the end of conventional treatments for me, and frankly I’m about ready for a break anyway.

Lisa and I have once again begun the practice of praying for one another before bed. We’ve done it a number of times before, but we always seem to slip out of it before it becomes an ingrained habit. It’s not that there’s anything bad in it; to the contrary it tends to be a very sweet time together. I guess life just tends to get in the way. We’ve decided it’s time to get back on the horse, as it were.

I’m sitting in the cafeteria for the cancer hospital after having had breakfast here. Unlike the larger hospital where the food is as bad as one can imagine, the cancer hospital has a quality short order cook and things are made fresh. We have a couple of hours to kill between my early appointments to set up for radiation and the start of chemotherapy, and this was a very good breakfast option. Thank God for these little courtesies that they do here; they almost make cancer treatment seem tolerable.

Next week I will apparently be here every day, getting radiation on my right leg. They said the radiation should help with the pain I experience intermittently but I should not be surprised if the left leg starts hurting and needs its own course of treatment soon after. Scans indicate the cancer is actually worse on the left leg, so this seems reasonable.

They truly do take great care of us at the Stephenson Cancer Center, and I don’t have as much cause to complain as I’d like to claim. My main irritation is with my own body — scar tissue in my arms is now such that it can take 2-3 attempts to draw blood or start an IV, and being poked with needles 6 times in one visit can make one grumpy. I’ve been told to look into a port or PICC line but there are other considerations weighing against it.

My boss generously allowed my family to use his pool when they visited, and I found that swimming agreed with me as a form of exercise that day. He’s invited me to “come over anytime”, and I feel the need to get back into using my body productively. I’m going to try working on my cardiovascular fitness with swimming, since it also seems to do good things for my back, which is still not remotely recovered from the spine surgery. Unfortunately it seems that the easy access blood draw/IV options like a PICC line won’t allow me to swim so I may just have to grit my teeth and deal with getting poked multiple times per visit. I have been close to grouching at a nurse or phlebotomist about it, but thankfully the grace of God has been stronger in me than my instincts.

I find myself wishing for one more normal day — a day when I don’t have to think about cancer or what it’s done to me. I want to feel fit, hale and hearty, capable of doing the things men do, like running a chainsaw or lifting heavy things. It may be that this day lies beyond death, or it may be that God has another miracle in store for me, of the kind that has reversed my fortunes a couple of times already. I’m open to either. I talked to my pastor, and he reminded me of Paul, who, knowing that the end was coming, remained grateful to God for the ministry he could perform while at the same time seeing the end as a winning situation. I think for me that means focusing more on the ministry, because I doubt I’m doing enough. Another dose of chemo then, and on to working what I can with the help of the Holy Spirit.